Transform Purpose Anxiety into Your Dharma

From the moment I finished high school until my late twenties, I was plagued by what I now call 'purpose anxiety.' It wasn’t just the lack of clarity or direction in my life that gnawed at me—it was the sinking feeling that I was somehow inadequate, uninteresting, and fundamentally less than those who seemed to have it all figured out. I would look at people who had cool hobbies, thriving careers, and passions they could talk about endlessly and feel a pang of envy. Why did they seem so fulfilled while I drifted aimlessly? Why not me?

That nagging question lingered in my mind until it was finally my turn to step into my purpose. It took years, but what eventually led me to embrace my purpose—or dharma, as I prefer to call it—was one simple yet powerful force: love. Love for myself, love for life, and love for what I could uniquely offer to the world. Let me explain how love became the compass that pointed me toward my true path.

The first key to embracing our dharma is cultivating self-worth. I was bullied in high school, and the lingering effects of those experiences eroded my self-esteem well into adulthood. I spent years trying to be liked, constantly seeking validation from others, and desperately attempting to appear 'cool' rather than authentic. What I failed to realize was that embracing my purpose required me to embrace myself first—to see myself as worthy and deserving of the life I wanted to live.

To rebuild my self-esteem, I began practicing self-love in small, actionable ways. I started meditating, allowing myself to observe my thoughts without identifying with them. Meditation gave me a glimpse of my true essence—an essence that was infinitely loving and deserving. I also adopted simple self-care routines, from going to the gym to eating healthier, to reinforce the belief that I was worth taking care of. And yes, as cringeworthy as it might sound, I stood in front of the mirror every evening, looked myself in the eyes, and said, 'I love you. You are worthy.'

The second key to living our dharma is tuning into our inner compass. We often seek purpose outside of ourselves, as if it’s some hidden treasure we need to uncover. But purpose isn’t found—it’s felt. It’s that sense of joy, excitement, and aliveness that comes from doing what we genuinely love. To get in touch with my inner compass, I made a list of all the things I wanted to do, have, and experience in the coming years. For each item, I asked myself, 'Why do I want this?' Was it to prove something to others? Or was it because it genuinely made me feel alive? That exercise helped me separate my true desires from the conditioned 'shoulds' that were never really mine.

The third key is savoring the experience of being alive. Instead of chasing some grand, elusive purpose, I started focusing on the small, everyday moments that brought me joy—the warmth of the sun on my skin, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, the way my dog greeted me when I came home. I kept a 'Book of Appreciation' and spent five minutes each morning writing down things I was grateful for. Over time, I realized that my purpose was not some far-off destination; it was the life I was already living, moment by moment.

Finally, living our dharma is about extending love through joyful service. We all have unique gifts to share with the world, and those gifts often come naturally to us. Whether it’s writing, teaching, organizing, or simply being a compassionate listener, our purpose is to express those gifts in ways that bring us joy and uplift others. But beyond doing, there is also a way of being—of simply radiating love, presence, and positive energy. As Bob Schwartz said, 'We are here to learn to receive and give love.' That, at its essence, is the heart of living our dharma.

Today, when I look back at those years of feeling lost and inadequate, I realize they were necessary stepping stones to becoming the person I am now. Purpose is not a destination; it’s a journey. And every step of that journey is a vital part of the path. So, if you’re feeling like you haven’t found your purpose yet, know that you’re already living it—one loving, present, and authentic moment at a time.

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